One Line a Day Journal

For those of you who know me, you probably know that I have been trying to get back into blogging after quite a few unsuccessful attempts.

So, what's my problem? I was so regular for a year and then all of a sudden I hit the brakes.

Well, I was miserable at my job. I thought if I could find a new one, so many of my problems would go away. It's 8 months later, and I have still not managed to switch.

Truth be told, I actively started reaching out for interviews only a few months ago. I've gotten some rejections, and also some good feedback. I believe I'm a good candidate for a certain niche. There are obviously not going to be thousands of openings for that particular niche - otherwise it wouldn't be a niche.

I have severe mood swings. I get into negative feelings - helplessness, anxiety, pessimism, sadness - quite swiftly. I have to stop. I really want to stop. I have a lot going on for me. If anything, this current job search is showing me that I do have a lot of stuff going for me. For example:

1) A job
2) A job that is in the career of my choice
3) A full time job
4) A full time job that takes many of the hours out that I could be feeling sad, lonely etc.
5) Nearly 2 years of work experience since my Masters
6) A lot of good career accomplishments
7) Room to make mistakes
8) Lot of good life lessons on how to get work done in a difficult organization/environment
9) A good salary. No need to throw away money coming in that is improving my life.
10) and I could go on.

This is good. Usually, I keep reciting over and over the things that I dislike in this job/or my life. But when you sit down and actually do an objective analysis - you find your initial reaction to be inaccurate.

I'm also trying to reach in deep inside myself and truly trying to do things that I like that take the focus off of my career. It was messing with my head - true story.

I am trying to run every weekday. Trying to take advantage of the free yoga/Pilates offered in Millennium park during the summer. I figure I have all winter to feel miserable again in sub-zero temperatures and blizzards, I might as well as I enjoy the sunshine while it lasts.

I'm also buying books and reading again. Reading is a passion for me since the day I could string two sentences together - probably even before that. I've sidelined reading for pleasure for nearly a decade - A-levels, undergrad, grad school, and then work. Recently, I read a beautiful, exciting novel (Water for Elephants) in my bed until the wee hours of Sunday morning. It gave me such a rush. I used to do that with EVERY good book I had. Finish it one go. I feel I haven't done that in ages.

(PS. Yes, I heard about the novel because of the movie. I didn't see the movie, but I was so taken aback by the trailer. The story seemed romantic - I just had a feeling that this could be a great story. So I held back. I wanted to read the novel first. And I now I have. Its amazing. All I can say is that I haven't read such a great fiction novel in AGES. It was so good that I will never watch the movie. I believe all movies based off books fall short. Unless, if the book is horrible, the movie could be better.)

The experience left me thinking that I need to do more of the stuff I ENJOY doing. So, I skipped watching out the latest Transformer movie with my husband. Enough. I can't take a third movie with bashing robots. Though, I was excited about the Chicago background.

I'm also reading a book called the Happiness Project which is reinforcing this notion of 'working' on making oneself happy. Trust me, it is work. But it is the good kind of work.

Another thing that brought me such ultimate joy was this blog. I always loved the idea of leaving clues and stories behind for posterity. I have always written diaries, but this blog is more joyful. It gives me a small number of sweet well-wishers. It stops me from being abjectly miserable on paper (which is what can happen when you write in a totally private diary). At the same time, it does allow me to take stuff that bothers me from the inside to the outside. And, I do love the creativity of posting pictures. That's too much work when you do it an actual journal. Lastly, real journals are notoriously hard to store and keep private. I like the paperless version much better.

What is the point of this entry? It is that I must blog, run, read. :)

To successfully stick to my resolutions, I will at least try to blog at least one line in my blog journal (as advised by the Happiness Project). Inshallah.